Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Keep Buggering On

Keep Buggering OnWinston Churchill
I’ve had ridiculous weather elements to train in, too many injuries to mention and a number of chest infections followed by a bout of Norovirus to name but a few of the obstacles during my Marathon Training. There have been highs and lows along the way but absolutely ‘nothing’ has prepared me for how I feel in the wake of the blomb blasts at the Boston Marathon yesterday.
I vividly remember standing in the foyer of my office watching the big screens as 9/11 unfolded having received a frightening call from Jamie who had witnessed the second plane going in unexpectedly on a news site. The rest as they say is history.
Last night, alerted by friends we switched our programme off (a cheesy American weekly programme that Jamie and I both enjoy to watch and designed to keep me calm ironically in light of my ensuing Marathon this weekend) and turned on to the live news channels where in that instant I felt the similar feel of ‘dread’ that I felt many many years ago for 9/11 and then later for 7/7 (which ironically was my first day back to work after Kaede was born).  Twice already I have put Jamie through the fear that ‘my location’ couldn’t be worse when these events have unfolded. For 9/11 he worried that Banking Institutions were being targeted and that ‘I should come home immediately’ and for 7/7 we certainly knew that London Transportation was under attack and I walked the majority of that journey home from the City.
Last night I could see the instant fear etched on his face as we watched, stunned, as the news footage came in from Boston.  It’s one thing to watch this ‘from a distance’ and feel appalled and then it’s another to know ‘your Mrs’ is running London just a few days later. I understand how he feels as watching it I felt the same way.
I couldn’t/can’t/won’t understand how ‘anybody’ could target people at an event such as this. There are no credible reasons for any form of atrocity such as this wherever it may be anyway. We all know that. The ‘aggressors’ may cite a whole host of so-called reasons to back up their actions – but it’s white-wash at the end of the day. It’s designed to instil fear and to that end it succeeds – at least for a while. It’s designed to force people to change their way of life, their freedoms and again to that end it certainly succeeds for a while. After all, I have just spent a whole night redressing my own situation, the fact I am not ‘just me’ but a Mother…a Wife…a Daughter…a Sister and a Friend.
Will I still be running London this weekend? Well yes I will.
Will I still expect people to come along and support me if they are uneasy doing so? Absolutely not.
We are tasked constantly in life with making ‘difficult decisions’. I had to go back to work following 7/7 and take the underground too. It was an unsettling feeling and I’ll admit I AM unsettled.
What I am also though is…pissed off!
Pissed off that this happened in Boston at all. So many people running for so many good causes, raising money, working hard and pulling together. Pissed off that a wonderful occasion has been tarnished in such a way. Pissed off that I had to read news articles that begin ‘Murdered at the Marathon’ as it’s an unthinkable headline. Pissed off about the knock-on effect for London this weekend, as whatever way you look at it, there WILL be a knock-on effect.
Yes folks, I am indeed pissed off.
I had written a blog to send to everyone tomorrow, naturally in a ‘very different tone’ to this one. I was excited about sharing my thoughts with you all for the upcoming race. Ironically I was going to send it tomorrow as Jamie calls Wednesday ‘Hump Day’ as most people are just getting over the hump at being back at work after the weekend and are feeling happier and looking to the following weekend. I thought this would be a nice timing to make you all smile.
There is no shying away from what has happened yesterday though. I also know a lot of you will be wondering how I am feeling in light of it all. So this is how I feel. When I set out last year to write my blog I never imagined I would be writing one like this. I am utterly shocked.
Maybe I will still send my ‘light-hearted’ blog later this week, who knows. I just don’t feel light-hearted currently.
Please take a moment of time to say a prayer for those affected by Boston.

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